Request Line Open!
Time to time, I feel it's nice to answer questions sent in from the flock. Here goes!
Question #1:
Hannah Brupp, age 44 from Chicago, IL asks:
"How is your son doing?"
Hannah Banana! Howzitz? Good to hear from you.
Jesus is fan-friggin'-tastic! Sitting at my right hand (looking over my shoulder as I write this, by the by - he says 'hey'). Just appeared on a piece of toast in Guam and is set to make a cryptic vision in the cereal of a Mr. Gene Baxter of Youngstown, Ohio next week. THAT should be a fun one!
Gene could really use the 'pick-me-up' after a series of bad real estate investments. Jesus told me He 'wasn't in the mood', but, after hearing Gene's plea for help at his bedtime prayers....what can I say? My boy is a bleedin' heart!
Otherwise, He's really taking a shine to advising politicians on things. Especially AMERICAN politicians. They really seem to have a handle on what my Son would do in most situations and they're not afraid to tell others! I looooooove confidence, especially when its earned and in the right hands. If there's one thing my Son promoted, it was capitalism!
Oh! Almost forgot - Jesus isn't planning on returning to Earth right away. (he's having some issues with his passport - ugh!), so, just go about your business and try to be good to others and all that.
Question #2:
David Blondell, age 37, from Pittsburgh, PA asks:
"When I recently read the book of Ruth, the story of Naomi was very moving and teaching. What was your motivation to create that scenario?"
Well, hello. Good question.
I gotta be honest with ya', DB - I haven't read that book in a long time and, from what I recall, that story happened AGES ago, right?? The story of Naomi sort of escapes me. Is that the chick who threw the cellphone at her assistant? Sorry, I've been really too busy to get any reading in. I certainly hope to catch up on biblical history soon, but, honestly, it's been a bear trying to find time to read anything.
Good to hear from you, though, and, look for a lovely surprise in your wife's next ultrasound! oops! let the cat slip outta the bag! :)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Ask, and you Shall Receive! (Day One!)
Prayer Requests Answered!!
Well, beloved, you've asked for prayers to be answered, and I'm here to deliver. Let's get started!!
Request #1:
Joey Frugger, age 6, from Monticello, Iowa sent this request:
"God, can you please help me with my homework in math and help me get an A+ and watch over mommy and daddy and Snickers and gammy and gampy and and and please give me a goldfish?"
Well, Joey, that's quite a laundry list, partner! First of all, I didn't hear a 'thank you' in there, but, hey, maybe try to fit that in next time?
As far as the math homework, well, slugger, I made you good at sports. Math isn't going to be something you need, except to calculate that batting average! So, wave bye-bye to that A+. Just shoot for an average grade and you'll be fine. I'll see if I can get your teacher to lighten up a tad on the 'hard questions'. Maybe I'll throw her some 'perspective' this week. How's that, big boy?
Watching over mommy and daddy? - check. Gammy and gampy? - check. Snickers? - that cat needs an attitude adjustment. Didn't appreciate the disregard for your mother's beautiful sofabed, but, you asked for me to watch over him, so.....you got it, champ. But, I gotta tell ya', that cat is baaad news and, if my reports are correct, Snickers has been possessed by my old nemesis (and former colleague), the Devil. Just speculation at this point, but, my sources are usually quite reliable.
Also, loved the decorative God's Eye you made during Bible School. Mrs. Gawd (Mary), thought it was absolutely delightful and remarked to me, "Joey really makes a niiiiice God's Eye, doesn't he. That kid has talent!" So, yeah...she's a fan. Well done!
Goldfish? Nah.
Yours,
Gawd
Request #2...
Gretchen Moseby, age 58, from Kansas City, Mo sent this prayer request:
" Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all of the wonderful blessings you have bestowed on me and my family. We, humbly, ask that you help my husband, Bill, in his new job. Give him the wisdom to make good decisions, have clarity of thought and be at peace in his new position as chief frycook at Denny's. Please keep him safe and to glorify your name each day working in that kitchen. Amen.."
Gretch! Wassup!?! Hope you're still using the snow-blower I got you two years ago. Talk about a well-timed request! Man, I must've sent, what, like eight inches of snow to KC that night? It was all part of a greater plan, of course (I needed "certain people" to stay off the roads that night....long story), but, you were wise to ask for the snow-blower. I reward forward thinkers!
Aaaaanywayze. Congrats to Bill on the new position. It'll be a welcome change from the drudgery of being a federal judge, eh?
And, abso-friggin'-lutely! I'll give him that clarity thing and the wisdom dealie. Done and done. Probably coulda used that when he was sitting on the bench, but, hey - easy come, easy go.
And, listen, it's nice that he'll try to glorify my name in the Denny's kitchen, but, honestly, I'll understand if he doesn't feel like praising Jehovah as he's mixing up Grand Slam platters for a table of eight. There's barely enough time to clean up the bacon rack, much less trying to preach the Word!
By the by, say 'hey' to Josh! That boy is growing up so fast! Was it really five years ago that I gave him pneumonia and a broken rib at the same time? Wow. Time flies! Still, I guess he learned a valuable lesson about supressing sexual urges. Haven't seen him even KISS a girl since! Awesome.
Until next time,
GAWD
And Finally...Request #3
Gil "Fudgin'" Kerpickly, 35, from Louisville, KY asks:
Dear God, you might could help me with a skeeter problem out'chere? My dog done got bit by a half duzen of them there skeeters and now he's a'itchin' just steady. If you could see to it that he can git rid'a that scratchin', I'd surely 'preciate it...thank ya'. Lord. Amen.
Hey, Fudgin'. When will that crazy pooch ever learn?
Well, here's the thing. If I stop the mosquitos from biting, then, I gotta hear it from the mosquitos. I can just hear them now, "if you didn't want us to puncture animal skin and suck blood, then, why...blah blah blah". Trust me, they never stop moaning.
On the other hand, if I don't stop the mosquitos from biting, then, I gotta hear it from everyone else in the animal kingdom! I'm constantly having to defend these insects from everyone else. "Please stop these bloodsuckers! They spread disease! Malaria, this - I'm anemic, that...." and on and on and on....It's annoying, but, they have valid criticisms and I have to listen. That's my job, right? ;)
So, I just have to leave it up to you to try and buy some insect repellent (on sale at Farm and Fleet this week, btw!) for you and Buster. I'll see if I can stop some of the rain and puddles where they breed and see if that can give you a little help. But, then, again, you prayed for rain last week, so you can see my conundrum. Which is it? Please be more specific next prayer session. I don't like disappointing my flock, Fudgin', but, sometimes there's no pleasing people.
All the best,
GAWD
Please send your prayer requests in the comments section if you would like. I'll try to answer them as soon as I can! No promises, March Madness is around the corner and I'll be fielding requests left and right!
p.s. This year, I wouldn't put my money on a certain team from a certain state that rhymes with 'Fentucky'....just sayin'. Take that for what it's worth, but, don't blame me if you lose at the window. ha ha! Just kidding, folks. Keep it real. :)
Well, beloved, you've asked for prayers to be answered, and I'm here to deliver. Let's get started!!
Request #1:
Joey Frugger, age 6, from Monticello, Iowa sent this request:
"God, can you please help me with my homework in math and help me get an A+ and watch over mommy and daddy and Snickers and gammy and gampy and and and please give me a goldfish?"
Well, Joey, that's quite a laundry list, partner! First of all, I didn't hear a 'thank you' in there, but, hey, maybe try to fit that in next time?
As far as the math homework, well, slugger, I made you good at sports. Math isn't going to be something you need, except to calculate that batting average! So, wave bye-bye to that A+. Just shoot for an average grade and you'll be fine. I'll see if I can get your teacher to lighten up a tad on the 'hard questions'. Maybe I'll throw her some 'perspective' this week. How's that, big boy?
Watching over mommy and daddy? - check. Gammy and gampy? - check. Snickers? - that cat needs an attitude adjustment. Didn't appreciate the disregard for your mother's beautiful sofabed, but, you asked for me to watch over him, so.....you got it, champ. But, I gotta tell ya', that cat is baaad news and, if my reports are correct, Snickers has been possessed by my old nemesis (and former colleague), the Devil. Just speculation at this point, but, my sources are usually quite reliable.
Also, loved the decorative God's Eye you made during Bible School. Mrs. Gawd (Mary), thought it was absolutely delightful and remarked to me, "Joey really makes a niiiiice God's Eye, doesn't he. That kid has talent!" So, yeah...she's a fan. Well done!
Goldfish? Nah.
Yours,
Gawd
Request #2...
Gretchen Moseby, age 58, from Kansas City, Mo sent this prayer request:
" Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all of the wonderful blessings you have bestowed on me and my family. We, humbly, ask that you help my husband, Bill, in his new job. Give him the wisdom to make good decisions, have clarity of thought and be at peace in his new position as chief frycook at Denny's. Please keep him safe and to glorify your name each day working in that kitchen. Amen.."
Gretch! Wassup!?! Hope you're still using the snow-blower I got you two years ago. Talk about a well-timed request! Man, I must've sent, what, like eight inches of snow to KC that night? It was all part of a greater plan, of course (I needed "certain people" to stay off the roads that night....long story), but, you were wise to ask for the snow-blower. I reward forward thinkers!
Aaaaanywayze. Congrats to Bill on the new position. It'll be a welcome change from the drudgery of being a federal judge, eh?
And, abso-friggin'-lutely! I'll give him that clarity thing and the wisdom dealie. Done and done. Probably coulda used that when he was sitting on the bench, but, hey - easy come, easy go.
And, listen, it's nice that he'll try to glorify my name in the Denny's kitchen, but, honestly, I'll understand if he doesn't feel like praising Jehovah as he's mixing up Grand Slam platters for a table of eight. There's barely enough time to clean up the bacon rack, much less trying to preach the Word!
By the by, say 'hey' to Josh! That boy is growing up so fast! Was it really five years ago that I gave him pneumonia and a broken rib at the same time? Wow. Time flies! Still, I guess he learned a valuable lesson about supressing sexual urges. Haven't seen him even KISS a girl since! Awesome.
Until next time,
GAWD
And Finally...Request #3
Gil "Fudgin'" Kerpickly, 35, from Louisville, KY asks:
Dear God, you might could help me with a skeeter problem out'chere? My dog done got bit by a half duzen of them there skeeters and now he's a'itchin' just steady. If you could see to it that he can git rid'a that scratchin', I'd surely 'preciate it...thank ya'. Lord. Amen.
Hey, Fudgin'. When will that crazy pooch ever learn?
Well, here's the thing. If I stop the mosquitos from biting, then, I gotta hear it from the mosquitos. I can just hear them now, "if you didn't want us to puncture animal skin and suck blood, then, why...blah blah blah". Trust me, they never stop moaning.
On the other hand, if I don't stop the mosquitos from biting, then, I gotta hear it from everyone else in the animal kingdom! I'm constantly having to defend these insects from everyone else. "Please stop these bloodsuckers! They spread disease! Malaria, this - I'm anemic, that...." and on and on and on....It's annoying, but, they have valid criticisms and I have to listen. That's my job, right? ;)
So, I just have to leave it up to you to try and buy some insect repellent (on sale at Farm and Fleet this week, btw!) for you and Buster. I'll see if I can stop some of the rain and puddles where they breed and see if that can give you a little help. But, then, again, you prayed for rain last week, so you can see my conundrum. Which is it? Please be more specific next prayer session. I don't like disappointing my flock, Fudgin', but, sometimes there's no pleasing people.
All the best,
GAWD
Please send your prayer requests in the comments section if you would like. I'll try to answer them as soon as I can! No promises, March Madness is around the corner and I'll be fielding requests left and right!
p.s. This year, I wouldn't put my money on a certain team from a certain state that rhymes with 'Fentucky'....just sayin'. Take that for what it's worth, but, don't blame me if you lose at the window. ha ha! Just kidding, folks. Keep it real. :)
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