Prayer Requests Answered!!
Well, beloved, you've asked for prayers to be answered, and I'm here to deliver. Let's get started!!
Request #1:
Joey Frugger, age 6, from Monticello, Iowa sent this request:
"God, can you please help me with my homework in math and help me get an A+ and watch over mommy and daddy and Snickers and gammy and gampy and and and please give me a goldfish?"
Well, Joey, that's quite a laundry list, partner! First of all, I didn't hear a 'thank you' in there, but, hey, maybe try to fit that in next time?
As far as the math homework, well, slugger, I made you good at sports. Math isn't going to be something you need, except to calculate that batting average! So, wave bye-bye to that A+. Just shoot for an average grade and you'll be fine. I'll see if I can get your teacher to lighten up a tad on the 'hard questions'. Maybe I'll throw her some 'perspective' this week. How's that, big boy?
Watching over mommy and daddy? - check. Gammy and gampy? - check. Snickers? - that cat needs an attitude adjustment. Didn't appreciate the disregard for your mother's beautiful sofabed, but, you asked for me to watch over him, so.....you got it, champ. But, I gotta tell ya', that cat is baaad news and, if my reports are correct, Snickers has been possessed by my old nemesis (and former colleague), the Devil. Just speculation at this point, but, my sources are usually quite reliable.
Also, loved the decorative God's Eye you made during Bible School. Mrs. Gawd (Mary), thought it was absolutely delightful and remarked to me, "Joey really makes a niiiiice God's Eye, doesn't he. That kid has talent!" So, yeah...she's a fan. Well done!
Goldfish? Nah.
Yours,
Gawd
Request #2...
Gretchen Moseby, age 58, from Kansas City, Mo sent this prayer request:
" Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for all of the wonderful blessings you have bestowed on me and my family. We, humbly, ask that you help my husband, Bill, in his new job. Give him the wisdom to make good decisions, have clarity of thought and be at peace in his new position as chief frycook at Denny's. Please keep him safe and to glorify your name each day working in that kitchen. Amen.."
Gretch! Wassup!?! Hope you're still using the snow-blower I got you two years ago. Talk about a well-timed request! Man, I must've sent, what, like eight inches of snow to KC that night? It was all part of a greater plan, of course (I needed "certain people" to stay off the roads that night....long story), but, you were wise to ask for the snow-blower. I reward forward thinkers!
Aaaaanywayze. Congrats to Bill on the new position. It'll be a welcome change from the drudgery of being a federal judge, eh?
And, abso-friggin'-lutely! I'll give him that clarity thing and the wisdom dealie. Done and done. Probably coulda used that when he was sitting on the bench, but, hey - easy come, easy go.
And, listen, it's nice that he'll try to glorify my name in the Denny's kitchen, but, honestly, I'll understand if he doesn't feel like praising Jehovah as he's mixing up Grand Slam platters for a table of eight. There's barely enough time to clean up the bacon rack, much less trying to preach the Word!
By the by, say 'hey' to Josh! That boy is growing up so fast! Was it really five years ago that I gave him pneumonia and a broken rib at the same time? Wow. Time flies! Still, I guess he learned a valuable lesson about supressing sexual urges. Haven't seen him even KISS a girl since! Awesome.
Until next time,
GAWD
And Finally...Request #3
Gil "Fudgin'" Kerpickly, 35, from Louisville, KY asks:
Dear God, you might could help me with a skeeter problem out'chere? My dog done got bit by a half duzen of them there skeeters and now he's a'itchin' just steady. If you could see to it that he can git rid'a that scratchin', I'd surely 'preciate it...thank ya'. Lord. Amen.
Hey, Fudgin'. When will that crazy pooch ever learn?
Well, here's the thing. If I stop the mosquitos from biting, then, I gotta hear it from the mosquitos. I can just hear them now, "if you didn't want us to puncture animal skin and suck blood, then, why...blah blah blah". Trust me, they never stop moaning.
On the other hand, if I don't stop the mosquitos from biting, then, I gotta hear it from everyone else in the animal kingdom! I'm constantly having to defend these insects from everyone else. "Please stop these bloodsuckers! They spread disease! Malaria, this - I'm anemic, that...." and on and on and on....It's annoying, but, they have valid criticisms and I have to listen. That's my job, right? ;)
So, I just have to leave it up to you to try and buy some insect repellent (on sale at Farm and Fleet this week, btw!) for you and Buster. I'll see if I can stop some of the rain and puddles where they breed and see if that can give you a little help. But, then, again, you prayed for rain last week, so you can see my conundrum. Which is it? Please be more specific next prayer session. I don't like disappointing my flock, Fudgin', but, sometimes there's no pleasing people.
All the best,
GAWD
Please send your prayer requests in the comments section if you would like. I'll try to answer them as soon as I can! No promises, March Madness is around the corner and I'll be fielding requests left and right!
p.s. This year, I wouldn't put my money on a certain team from a certain state that rhymes with 'Fentucky'....just sayin'. Take that for what it's worth, but, don't blame me if you lose at the window. ha ha! Just kidding, folks. Keep it real. :)
